toxic money beliefs that may be holding you back {guest post by alex craig}

toxicmoneybeliefs

By Guest Blogger, Alex Craig

Does a dog know he is a dog? Does a fish realize it’s swimming in water? When we’re caught up in our thoughts, do we even realize we’re thinking?

When you stop to look for them, you’ll notice that hidden assumptions (or subconscious beliefs) are all around us — every minute, everywhere you go. And of course, these assumptions influence the way we act and think.

Many assumptions may be positive or at least benign, but the negative assumptions that can end up taking a serious toll on our behaviors and leave us thinking, “Why does this always happen to me?”

Money is one of the most common areas where these subconscious beliefs rear their heads — and they can almost become “toxic” in how they affect your choices in this aspect of your life.

Below, I’ve outlined 3 of the most common toxic money beliefs. To minimize the impact of these hidden assumptions, we need to reality-check our thinking and reframe our situations.

(Note: At the end of this post, I’ll also share with you a special gift that will help you identify your own worst hidden assumptions — everywhere from your eating to your career.)

Toxic Belief #1: Money is scarce.

As long as you hold this belief, you’re more likely to sabotage opportunities both to make more money and give more money.

This belief is the assumption that if I give you a dollar, I lose a dollar.

Back in our more primal days, the scarcity mindset was a natural instinct that helped ensure our survival. This was a very useful instinct then, but it no longer serves much of a purpose for most of us in the developed world, now that we’re no longer competing with bears for our lunch (or trying to avoid becoming a tiger’s dinner).

This is the belief that there’s only a small pie to go around, and you have to acquire as much of the pie as possible and hold onto it for dear life. Sounds relaxing, right? Instead, perhaps consider that the pie has the ability to infinitely expand.

Think about it: the United States has continued to create more value from manual labor to technology services, and the standard of living in the U.S. has increased. Our parents and grandparents had far fewer career options than we do, which has expanded our ability to find and follow our true passion, rather than just working to work.

So when you find yourself thinking in scarcity mode, remind yourself that people pay you for the value you create.

Want more money? Deliver more value. Want a raise or a promotion? Find a way to expand your skillset or bring existing skills into your work in a new and innovative way.

When you begin focusing on the value you create, you’ll find that money will follow. Most importantly, though, you’ll be making a difference in your work and life by delivering more value  to the people you serve.

Toxic Belief #2: Wealthy people are materialistic.

Consider who first comes to mind when you think of “rich people”: Is it Paris Hilton? Donald Trump? Bill Gates?

If you think of people like the first two, that may be indicative of a belief that money makes people snobs, and it’s materialistic and shallow (read: the opposite of spiritual) to have money.

We might say things like, “People who are rich only got there because of who they stepped on when they were climbing the ladder.”

When we look at a wealthy person and think she must be are materialistic, morally bankrupt, or must have done something unethical to get their money, we’re in hardcore judgment territory.

When we judge affluent people and money in an evil way, we will never allow ourselves to have more money because our brain will not allow us to become the evil person that we believe those with money are.

So how do we reframe this toxic belief?

First, realize that this assumption is vast overgeneralization. Yes, some families will pass down a legacy of a well-known name and a trust fund to match. But if you look below the surface, you’ll find that plenty of affluent people got their money from working hard, delivering a lot of value, and intelligently saving and investing. 

Second, acknowledge that wealth is not synonymous with selfishness. Warren Buffett and Bill Gates are among the world’s wealthiest and its biggest philanthropists.

Finally, recognize that money is just a representation for what we value. When we use money, we are trading it for something we care about, and giving money so a person can go buy more of what they value.

To me, this reframed mindset seems more spiritually-aligned, because it encourages you to focus on how you can create more value for yourself and other people.

Toxic Belief #3: Money doesn’t really matter.

When I was younger, I was really foolish. I believed that if I asked for a raise, I was entitled to get it.

I was 16 and working at a swimming pool and had been there for about a year, so I asked my boss for a raise. He told me no, and then told me that money is not everything and I should love my job because I am saving lives.

When I hear people say money doesn’t really matter, I see a well-intentioned idea turn into a self-sabotaging practice. How? Most commonly, this belief causes people to charge less than what they are worth.

Of course, it’s true that life is not about money. Beyond the base level of security, money is just a tool that we use to obtain more of the things and experiences that we value.

If we lived a money-less Burning Man existence, we’d be paying for yoga class with baked goods, and trading doctor’s appointments for massages. (Okay, it sounds kind of awesome, right? But alas, it’s not the world we live in.)

Reframe your mindset to see money as an important tool to help you create more value in your life and the lives of others you want to serve. 

So now what?

There you have it — the 3 most common hidden assumptions people have about money. Of course, we have these assumptions about far more than just money, too.

I’ve put together a guide to help you identify your hidden assumptions, so you can evaluate how they’re working (or not working) for you and how to reframe them for greater peace of mind and success. The guide includes common assumptions about health, career, spirituality, and more. (Access Here).

About Guest Blogger, Alex Craig Alex Craig is the founder of Have a Rich Marriage, which helps couples live a fuller and more rich marriage, whatever that means for them. To this date, Alex has helped many live marriage on their terms rather than on the world’s terms.

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Valerie Martin

Valerie Martin, LMSW, is a Primary Therapist at The Ranch residential treatment center, where she works with eating disorders, addiction, trauma, and co-occurring mental health issues. Valerie focuses on a holistic treatment approach of mind + body integration, using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), somatic and bioenergetic therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), psychodrama, 12-step, and shame resilience. She is also a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist (CSAT) Candidate. Valerie received her Bachelor of Science degree in Communications and Master of Science degree in Clinical Social Work at the University of Texas in Austin. She is an active member of the First Unitarian Universalist Church in Nashville, and emphasizes spiritual exploration in her work with clients.